That balance between your head and your body

(I'd like to start by saying, I'm sure most of my (very limited) readers are aware of the heartbreak Lauren at She Moved to Texasis going through. She is one of a handful of blogs that I've read over the years, well before I was blogging myself, and it truly breaks my heart. Tracy at Fly on Over has set up a GoFundMe for collecting donations, if you're able to do so.)

I'm writing this post on my phone while sitting on my couch. I've got my workout gear on. My hairs a mess and my face feels gross, but those two things are mostly from sweating profusely while unloading two wagons of hay with my coworkers from earlier in the day. I was (key word there) fairly ashamed to admit that I just spent 45 minutes walking.

I mean, not a bad thought...

I know, sounds insane. Why ashamed?! It was 2 miles of walking! Hear me out. While I have a physical job (I walk a lot especially), I'm not in the best shape. I don't like to lift weights of any kind, unless it's straw or hay. Even that I dislike but, ya know. Horses gotta eat and have bedding for their stalls. Pilates and yoga bore me, although I've been told there are different kinds so perhaps I haven't tried it enough. Crunches? MY OWN PERSONAL HELL. So basically all non cardio events are a no go for me. It never reallyyyy bothers me although I do openly admit that I should do those activities so I'm faster, stronger, more likely to not be injured, the list goes on. 

I am a cardio bunny. There I said it. Given the choice, I will happily swim, bike, exercise on an elliptical, whatever. Running isn't my favorite because I've got a bad knee but I enjoyed it in my younger years.

Charlie, my knee breaking horse. HANDS DOWN favorite horse to date to flat. No one tell Digby! I think about him several times a year, every year, and hope he's ok. 

As for the bad knee, I fell off a horse 10 years ago. It was a stupid fall. He spooked at a farrier who was hot shoeing in the aisle. I fell off and landed on my knee cap. Went to physical therapy, mostly listened to their advice (crutches, like they suggested, never happened. I worked in two barns and it's not broken. Never gonna happen!) My knee was a daily pain but over the years, my body has adjusted to it and it doesn't hurt very often.

Not sure what's going on this in GIF (...is that an otter??) but I look like these marshmallows.

Since my "in shape" shape would be a  fluffy marshmallow, I've been trying to exercise more. I looked at some plans online. I compared. I thought about what would work best for me, my scheduled, and my lack of a gym. I picked one out and have been pretty much sticking to it. Yay me! Enter this post.

I just couldn't talk myself into working out. I was supposed to run but honestly didn't want to swim or bike either. I sat for a while and then thought "ok if I change into my workout clothes, I'll go." I went. I took the dogs (my own dog who is my regular running buddy plus another black lab who I am pet sitting for the evening) and got my playlist ready. I was warming up and the very thought of running made me cringe. No upward transitions for me. Couldn't do it. Didn't want to. Nope. 

So I walked and walked. I thought eventually I would want to run. I didn't. So I didn't run. I was fairly ashamed of this. Like I'm a failure. It wasn't even hot! The dogs were great! I didn't have tooooo hard of a day at work. How dare I. But the longer I sat in my not sweaty gym clothes, the longer I realized "you know what? Whatever."

I'm at the point in my life where if it's not fun, I'm not going to do it. I have enough things in my life that aren't enjoyable or things I have to do (holidays and paying bills, I'm looking at you!!) that if I don't want to play, I'm not going to. For example, I love reading the newspaper. If I'm so busy that it will cause me stress to read it, I'm not going to read it that day. I love to color. If I feel like I am being forced to color to relax, I'm going to skip it. 

Why is working out any different for me? I generally enjoy my cardio. I've decided some times it's best to listen when your body says "hell no." I will sip my post "workout" treat (chocolate milk! For when I work hard) and pretend I ran. There's always tomorrow, right?