I rode!

Luigi!

I visited a friend in Pittsburgh (aka my favorite city) over the weekend and had the pleasure of sitting on this little nugget. Luigi is an adorable Haflinger who was possibly wider than he was tall. He has apparently schooled some pretty serious dressage movements in his younger, fitter life. Spoiler alert: none of those occurred during my ride. I have to admit I was pretty pleased to be sitting on a fun, sane, solid citizen. We only rode for a bit because I failed to bring actual riding apparel and it was COLD. The temps went from 70 on Sunday to a high of 35 with wind the next Saturday. Brrr. I had a blast though and thoroughly enjoyed having a good brain under saddle. It reinforced my decision with Digby. 

Digby is doing fine, for the record. I haven't been seeing him every day because I don't have the enthusiasm to fight with him under saddle or on the lunge, I no longer help with turnout at the barn (I haven't since they went to day turnout), and he simply tolerates grooming so I don't really want to go groom every day. I'm both pleased and saddened by the fact that my decision to find him a new home was reinforced. So many mixed emotions. As for the new home front, I haven't found anything yet but I'm still looking. I put several ads out on Facebook, both in groups and on my personal page. I also printed a few flyers to hang at my local tack shops, although I have yet to make it to them. Hopefully someone will be looking for a companion! He's a great guy to have in the barn. I think he'll be happier being a pasture puff.

I think I'll be happier without a horse for a bit. I need some fun, no pressure rides.

Whine. Whine. Wine.

I've been struggling on how to find words for this post. It's been a long time coming. I really can't find a way without sounding so terribly spoiled with first world problems. I am not looking for someone to pat me on the back and tell me I'm doing the right thing. So..... I apologize in advance for my behavior.

I think my horse and I are in an abusive relationship. I know, crazy talk and insulting to anyone in an actual abusive relationship, but hear me out, alright? In case you haven't gotten the overall feeling from my blog as of late (possibly as of forever), I'm pretty burnt out. Not from work or my life, but from my horse. I spend a significant portion of my free time worrying about paying those bills, if he'll be sound, if he is sound if he'll just fight me the entire time. For almost 6 years. I'll have owned Digby for 6 years in February and I have spent about 90% of that worrying over my not sound horse. Have I had good rides? Absolutely. Do I love him? Of course. When he's good, he's awesome and one of the coolest horses I've ever flatted. When he's bad, he is straight up dangerous. He is. This is not an exaggeration. There is no way around saying that. He knows all of tricks/evasions/kill my rider moves and while I'm pretty damn good (in my opinion) at saying "oh you wanna tell me to go eff myself? Ok, game on then." and putting my foot down. It's exhausting though. I get exhausted just thinking about it sometimes. Is he bad just to be bad? No, probably not. There's usually a reason. I usually figure out the reason after money and trial and error. He goes back to being sound/good/whatever I was aiming at for a bit.

2011 Digby. Exhausted like me. Must nap.

I read blog posts, go to local shows/events, watch live feeds on USEF, check my horse friends Facebooks and Instagrams. I still generally enjoy horses. Heck, I work at a horse farm and I like my job. There's a TB hony gelding that my friend owns who I adore and actively stalk on social media/day dream about/wish so badly I could own. The desire to actually ride, minus in my day dreams, is gone though. I don't even care. I've always wanted to ride. It should bother me that I don't. When it comes to actually putting on my breeches, I'm like "...... do I have to?" So, what about my mental health? What about my empty bank account for a reason that doesn't even make me all that happy?

This is a problem. I've been reading COTH, all your blog posts of similar nature and chatting with some friends in real life and I've pretty much decided that I need to move on. It feels like quitting on so many levels. It is technically. It makes me consume all sorts of adult beverages. I may or may not cry about it on occasion. It's a constant internal battle of "but he's your horse and he didn't do anything wrong and who else is going to take care of him if not you and you're a total asshole for even thinking about giving him away" to "seriously, this is not healthy, you've lost any and all passion, you only like the horse maybe half the time, he's usually a jerk." It's an every day thought process. I think I need the closure. I need to get out of this emotionally abusive relationship. I want to sit on a horse who I don't expect in the back of my head to be bad. I want to sit on a horse that I can have fun with more than once every few rides. I want to do things, like lesson and go on trail rides and jump all the sweet jumps and show and DO ALL THE THINGS. Make no mistake, I will cry and cry and cry if I find him another home. I will cry and wonder if I did the right thing.

The worst part about this is how many people LOVE my horse. He is adorable. I mean, look at that face! He has enough personality for the entire barn and more. He loves Pop Tarts and makes ridiculous faces for all snacks. He knows tricks, which amuses children of all ages. He's great with kids, although I never fully trust him. He's just a cool horse. I know and love all of these things. My grumpy, grumbling "my horse is a pain" always prompts a "Aww! But he's so cute!" or "he's so cool!" or "I love him!" Yeah. I love him too. But, at what cost?

One day, I'll write a post that isn't "I hate my horse." One day, folks.

My figured out has never been more confused, I'm having mixed drinks about feelings and you

"AHHHH! RUNNING!"

So all's been ok in the world of Digby. He's pretty chunky, which I love considering we're coming into winter. He was a holy terror for the farrier this week. I'm not sure what to make of that. Is he feeling better and just being a jerk? Is he in some sort of pain and trying to tell us? Hard to tell. The farrier and I discussed it a bit and he seems to think he's just being a jerk because he feet look great. They really do. Does this mean they're comfortable just because they look good? No. Regardless, he is sound and seems to be doing well. Since he has been an absolute ASSHAT (for real...) for the past few months when riding/lunging, I've been giving him some time off. I discussed his antics in my last real post. I'm still not sure if he's just being a jerk or if there's something more going on.

To be honest, I'm sure the hony doesn't care that he's not being worked. He gets to be a horse without much expectations. Who wouldn't like that? He might just been done being a riding pony. I've looked on Facebook and spoken to horse friends with no luck as to finding Digby a companion home. I've offered even to pay to ship him to his new home and would be willing to keep paying for some expenses. I got a few bites but nothing serious. He's a tricky little guy after all...

The hony and his turnout buddy, Ghost

Wordless Wednesday

I tell ya...

The hony, this evening... He's cute.

The hony has been, um, expressively bad as of late. Both under saddle and the handful of times I've lunged to see if it was me or saddle fit. Sigh. Typically this means he's uncomfortable. That could be saddle fit, in need of a chiro/massage, needs his feet tweaked with, whatever. It occasionally also means he's not getting enough turnout, the weather's been crazy, or his feed is making him hot. So let's go down the list:

• Saddle fit - Yup, could be. He's lost a lot of topline (due to losing TONS of weight last winter, ulcers, no work, lyme and some more no work) and we're building it back now. I'm using a shimmable pad so I'm doing the best I can. Can't afford a saddle fitter at this time for a more professional opinion. Also, he's been bad when I lunge without a saddle so while I think the saddle fit isn't the best, it's probably not the only problem.
• In need of a chiro/massage - Yup, could be. One of the lovely ladies at Digby's barn actually took a look at him tonight. She does some "energy work" but it was free and I figured no harm, no foul. It was fairly interesting when I convinced my science based self to be open minded. I'm going to see how he goes tomorrow.
• Needs his feet tweaked - I mean, maybe? Probably not? His feet have looked the best they've looked since I've been back in PA. Does this mean it's working for him? No, but they look awful good. I'll chat with my farrier the next time he's out.
• Turnout - Seriously doubt it. They go out for 7-8 hours a day. In the area I live, that's a lot of turnout.
• Weather - Ehhh. It's fall and I get it. It's cooler, they're feeling better. His bad isn't "whoo it's cool! I'm feeling good!" though. It's more "I don't want to so SCREW YOU LADY."
• Feed - Seriously doubt it. He gets almost unlimited grass hay plus about 6 lbs of Tribute Maturity which isn't particularly high in sugar/starches. In an ideal world, I'd keep him on TC Senior but that's not included in my horses board and again, money.

Not a whole lot else to say about that topic. I've done a lot of thinking, not a whole lot of whining, and too much adulting.

I'm trying to not think of the doom (AHH MY HORSE IS GOING TO GO LAME AND I'LL BE STUCK WITH HIM FOREVERRRR AND FOREVER BE BROKE OVER A HORSE I CAN'T RIDE AND IT'S GOING TO SUCK) and just continue on with my life. Full disclosure: I have asked around a bit lately to see if anyone wants a companion horse. It's not 100% what I want but.... Ya know. Digby and I do this shit. Every. Single. Year. Every damn year. Usually more than once a year. He tells me not so nicely that I can fluff off. I tell him not so nicely that I do everything I can to make sure he's comfortable and happy and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HORSE WILL YOU JUST BEHAVE?!? So then I fuss and worry and sometimes we come to an agreement and sometimes I get so frustrated that I give him some time off and he comes back fine at a later point. I'm not sure what to do about it now or in the future. Maybe he's made to be a pasture puff. Maybe I just need to learn how to ride. Hahahah.

Being an adult sucks.

New vet

You may recall here where I lamented that I needed to find a new vet because my current one has deemed my new barn was too far away. Boo because I love my current vet! Anyway, the barn I'm at uses two vets mostly. One, who we will call Dr S, will never touch my horse with a ten foot pole. I've had too many friends/friends of friends use Dr S's services with bad results. "Bad results" could be a severe reaction to a vaccine to total misdiagnosis of an illness with drastic consequences. Either way, I'm not a fan. The other vet the barn uses we will call Dr D. This seemed like a better option and I've heard some good things about the practice. I called and got Digby set up for fall shots.

Old photooooo, always old photos!

I am actually quite pleased! I was kind of grumpy about the whole thing because, well, they aren't my old vet and I wish I didn't need a new one and blah blah whine whine. The vet that came out isn't the main vet but she was nice, knowledgeable and genuinely interested in Digby and I. Digby is pretty interesting given his history (you know, chronic colic, ulcers, blind in one eye, has been treated for lyme, has a navicular bone in two pieces, way too much chronic lameness...) but I love getting new opinions on his issues. She had a few suggestions. At one point she said, "if you want, you can ride more than you do. There are several options that won't break the bank to help with his issues that you haven't tried yet. Go ride."

WHEE! Love hearing that! I tried to keep my excitement under control since, those options may not work but that would be awesome. I miss having goals and riding my horse regularly!

In other news, Digby and I switched farriers in May when I moved to the new barn. He shoes some of the racehorses that my full time job farm owns. I was always impressed with him and decided to just give him a shot on my own personal (not racehorse) horse. I'm pleased to say that Digby's feet look the best since he's been back in PA. His heels are better than they were and his angles are finally even. Way to go Digby.

My favorite month!

Ah yes, life has settled down a bit for me. October is my favorite month so this is perfect timing. :) Since the horses are back on day turnout and I work 7-4 at my full time job, I'm not helping turnout at Digby's barn. I'm also not pet sitting at the moment. I went from working legitimately every hour of the day, minus my hour lunch break, to having almost every night off. It's a magical thing. I've been wildly productive since I'm not used to having down time.

Old Digby photo, maybe 2012?

It's been great to get some stuff done! I've been trying to ride more and I've been catching up on some of my blog reading. I've got some posts to write about, well, what's been happening, some stuff I've bought lately (and not so lately), and how the rides have been going. Stay tuned, Digby lovers! News is on the way!

Picking your battles.

Yes, I'm alive. I currently work 48 hours at my full time job, help turnout horses 6 days a week at Digby's barn and pick up pet sitting jobs occasionally. I eat, sleep and work. Oh and there's been some beer drinking and TV watching cause football is back! Whoo!

One of the yearlings I groom. Doesn't actually stand this close up front hahhaha!

Yearling season is in full swing. This means I'm personally prepping 6 yearlings for the sale in November. We have almost 30 in total but I'm only in charge of 6. I have 3 fillies and 3 colts this year. We get the yearlings in at the middle or end of August and they are basically never worked with before. They can't lead and definitely can't be groomed. We've really only messed with them to give them shots, dewormer and get their feet done. This does not mean they can pick up their feet though. They definitely can't.

Not my yearling but she's a witch. I promise, she only looks sweet.

I've been avoiding being kicked, run over, struck, stepped on, otherwise injured and I'm trying to break my yearlings. So far I've been successful! I try to take it day by day with the horses, especially the fillies. The females, I'm sure no one will be surprised, are a bit more sensitive and moody. Even as yearlings, they can come into heat. Even if they aren't in heat, they can be a bit touch and go. Anyway, I was working with one of my colts the other day and for whatever reason, he was all kinds of wound up. He was spooky coming out of his stall, didn't want to walk into the grooming stall, fussed on the cross ties. The yearlings have been in for several weeks so they're pretty good about most of the things I ask of them. I get to focus on really GROOMING now instead of trying to make things simple and make sure the yearlings are calm and understand what I'm asking. He was fussing and just being kind of a dick. I was a bit flustered. It was SO hot out, I was frustrated, it was my last horse and I was pretty mentally done. I very much wanted to yell at him. I needed to pick his feet and he was convinced I had never brushed his legs and definitely never cleaned his face and how dare I ask him stand still on the cross ties because I've never asked him to do that before! I took a step back and realized, you should really pick your battles here. He's obviously having a rough day so don't even try to pick his feet. It would just start a fight and you're tired, he's tired, it wouldn't be worth it. I decided I'd work on brushing, to hell with feet picking. To hell with standing stock still on the cross ties.

"Should I get up? I'm not sure. What do I do?! OMG"

So I didn't pick his feet. I settled on standing sort of still on the cross ties and that his legs were brushed. The next day he was much better. He stood still. I brushed him all over. He picked up all 4 feet, zero drama. Success. I could of refused to leave until he had done everything I asked. I really could of. I'm glad I didn't. This really applies to life, on a whole. I've been thinking a lot lately and realized that it's just not possible to win every battle. Make sure the ones you pick are worth fighting.

Things that go missing.

I kid you not, this is actually July 2015. YES A SEMI RECENT PHOTO! THAT I TOTALLY FORGOT MY FRIEND TOOK... because it was during this ride I realized Digby was lame so I didn't ride. Ha.

I went to the barn to help with turnout, as I almost always do. I help turnout the 10 horses on the property for reduced board, with 2 nights off a week. It's hard now that I'm full time but I'll stop once the horses go back to day turnout sometime in September. I was running late (SHOCK. Haha.) and didn't say hi to Digby before starting to turn out. I grabbed two of the senior geldings and started putting them out in their field. The barn owner came over and asked what I did with Digby's halter. Now mind you, she had watched me pull in and immediately start turning out. I said something along the lines of "uh...?" and she said it wasn't on his door. He's a bit of a player, in that he'll grab his halter/fly mask/blankets/whatever he can reach and play with them and fling them around. The habit is somewhere between funny and irritating. I turned the older guys out and then went to look for Digby's halter. It was MIA. I checked his stall. I checked in front of his stall. I asked if she was sure he came in with it on. She was. I checked the bushes by his stall. Nada.

Hmm. I looked and saw that his turnout buddy, Ghost, had Digby's lead rope attached to his halter. I've been at this barn for around two months now and that has never happened. So that's odd. I also noticed that Ghost's lead, which is longer and thicker, was snapped to itself.... as if someone made a make shift halter out of it. I chuckled and realized the barn owner just probably didn't realize he, in fact, hadn't come in with it and she didn't notice because the guy who does stalls in the morning brought them in. While I have yet to track down Digby's halter in his field, I can safely assume it's out there somewhere. Luckily, I had a spare (two actually, plus a rope halter) so crisis averted. Digby and friend went out and all was well.

That made me start thinking about all the things that have disappeared at barns over the years. I've lost all sorts of things like a crop and a dressage whip, a saddle pad, a feed scoop, halters lost in fields or just MIA, bell boots (and not even in the traditional "in the field" sense, a person wandered off with my awesome Italian gum pull on bell boots which I have yet to replace) and a whole lot of fly spray and treats. I'm not sure what it is about barns that make other boarders think "well, this is here so I'll use it" and then NOT RETURN THE ITEM? I would not do that in a barn and I certainly wouldn't do it outside the barn either. I don't mind the occasional use of my fly spray or treats. I do however mind when someone uses my tack or equipment. I mind this even more when it gets returned dirty or doesn't get returned at all. Someone please explain this to me.

Blogs, by the numbers.

Sometimes, I don't feel like blogging. Other times, I'm too busy to blog.

Digby, 2010. He knows several tricks :)

Since I have been the latter as of late and I have time now, I thought it would be fun to list all the blogs I read regularly and how many blog posts I've missed since I haven't read any since the second to last week or the last week of July... Yeah. Admittedly, I MAY have read some posts on specific blogs and forgotten and my computer isn't the best for accurate posts (sometimes counts 2 posts on the same day as 1 post) sooo it might not be 100% correct. I didn't list anyone who's blog I follow if they didn't post since then. I don't want to make anyone feel bad because, you know, I've been there myself busy bloggers!!

26 - 'Fraidy Cat Eventing
26 - Bay with Chrome
26 - Behind the Bit
19 - She Moved to Texas
18 - Viva Carlos
16 - A Enter Spooking
16 - Hand Gallop
14 - Cob Jockey
14 - Sprinkler Bandits
12 - A Collection of Madcap Escapades 
12 - Paradigm Farms
12 - Smooth Strides
11 - Dandyism
11 - Hopeful Jumpers
11 - Ponytude
11 - Post Secret (not horsey, love it anyway)
11 - Zen and the Art of Baby Horse Management
10 - Back in The Tack
10 - Stories from the Saddle
10 - Wilbur, Ellie and Emily
9 - Oh Gingersnap
8 - Draft Mare
8 - Fly on Over
7 - Bringing Up Baby
7 - Four Mares No Money
7 - Guinness on Tap
7 - Poor Woman Showing
6 - Dotstream
6 - Eventing in Color
6 - Pony Express
5 - Bays over Baes
5 - Stubborn Together
5 - That Red Mare
5 - Jumping Percheron
5 - Weanie Eventer
4 - A Gift Horse
4 - All In
4 - EquiNovice
4 - In Omnia Paratus
4 - Incidents of Guidance 
4 - Life of Riley
4 - Me Jump Pretty One Day
4 - No Hour Wasted
4 - The Reeling
4 - The Owls Approve 
3 - A blonde, brunette and a Redhead
3 - Contact
3 - Flying Free
3 - If the Saddle Fits
3 - Peace and Carrots
3 - Stampy and the Brain
3 - The Polka Dot Periodical 
3 - Tucker the Wunderkind
2 - A Yankee in Paris
2 - Candyland
2 - Pia's Parade
2 - The Moody Mare
2 - The Poor Amateur's Almanac 
2 - The Young Horse Experience
2 - Wait for the Jump
2 - Walk, Trot, Canter, Banter
2 - We are Flying Solo
2 - Wyvern Oaks
1 - A Mare Called Lilly
1 - A Work in Progress
1- Alchemy Eventing
1- Breeches and Boat Shoes
1 - Confessions of an AA Event Rider
1 - Dressage Pony

Guess I've got some reading to do! I was done work at 4 and since it's raining, I find myself with NOTHING TO DO for once in what seems to be a very long time. This calls for some adult beverages, Netflix binging and blog reading. :) (Side note: if I missed your blog, spelled something wrong, or entered a hyperlink wrong, let me know! The adult beverages maaay have already started.)

Not dead.

Ah yes, I am alive. If you know me in real life, you know I regularly post on Instagram and fairly often on FB but I try to keep Digby related things here on the blog.

So, what's been happening?

Hmm. Ok. Digby's lyme test came back positive. We've started treating with Doxy. I give him a probiotic daily in the midday. He finished his course of Previcox but is still getting Adequan. He's also finally almost done his ulcer meds. We tapered them super slowly because of his move and that whole "acid rebound effect" that I've written about before but am too lazy to make a link for. I got him switched over to the barns grain, instead of buying my own. He's lost some weight as of lately which is a bummer considering how hard to worked to get that weight ON him. I'll keep tinkering with his feeding regimen. In a perfect world, I'd keep buying him the TC Senior but honestly, it's $22 a bag. This barn is nicer than my last barn and thus more expensive. I just don't have $22 a bag, when he eats several bags a month, in the budget when I dropped almost a grand in the past 2 weeks on him between the vet bills and meds.

Oh, and I blew a tire on my car last week. A tire that I had bought in July. It was just over a month old. This did not please me. More money spent.

Otherwise, I'm back to full time at my job (48 hours/week) buttt I wasn't supposed to be so I had previously made plans and got some pet sitting, dog walking, on the side jobs. So those plus my regular full time job? I'm busy. Like really busy. The hony has not been ridden since August 2nd. I feel guilty. On the positive side,  I'm making some serious cash! That vet bill will be paid off quickly. :)

I'm also super behind (haha weeks) in my blog reading. Sorry guys! I will catch up eventually.

Guess what?!

Begging face!

The hony went back to work today! I decided to do some hand walking up and down the hill that's next to the pond on the property and then sit on him. I'm not going to say he's 100% sound but he's improved since before his Previcox/Adequan. All in all, I was pretty pleased with him. There was no sass and he was happy to work. There's another heat wave but I'm going to take you guys' advice from the last post on how to deal with the wild temps. Annnnd, I will have a July recap/August goals for you guys soon. My apologizes for the quick, poorly written post! 

Adorable eating hony

Ideas. (Aka the post in which I decide it's too hot)

Ok fellow bloggers!

How Digby's topline used to look... (FYI - not me holding him)

I need some help. I'm a giant baby in the heat (I chalk some of this up to the fact that I work outside and I literally sweat all. day. long.) and PA is warm in the summer. Not 100+ degrees all the time Texas hot, but it's toasty. And humid. Ugh, the humidity! Anyway, no use in complaining because it's a fact of life in this state. That being said, the vet told me to give it a few days for the Previcox/Adequan combo to start working and then get back to work, especially in building his topline.  I have been working on building it previously but I'm wondering if anyone had a good idea for how to build topline when it's roughly 1029 degrees out. Doing a lot of trot/canter work is out of the question. I know pole work can help but honestly, Digby doesn't tend to lift his back when going over poles. This defeats the purpose. We do have a few hills but they are out on the trails, which I'm not comfortable going on unless I have a friend. Lunging (with or without a chambon, or vienna reins, or whatever gadget you'd like) on a regular basis is out given his lameness issues. I really can only lunge once a week maximum and for a short period of time. This leaves us with transitions and correct work. I feel like transitions in the walk only, maybe with snippets of trot, isn't going to be super helpful. Maybe I'm wrong?

I could ride in the morning when it's cooler but I need to be at work by 7 am so I'd need to arrive at the barn around... 5:30? AM. Not ideal since no one will be at the barn until 7-7:30, leaving an awful long time period if I fall off and get hurt. Gah! So what do you do in the "extreme" heat to keep your horses fit? Deal with it? Try lighter work loads? Drink cold beers instead?

The vet news

This is what happens when I try to take photos of my horse:

Yeah. So that's why there are rarely any new photos of Digby on the blog. He's photography challenged. As you may remember, the vet came out on Monday. Basically, she just thinks it's his usual navicular issue acting up.

We are testing for Lyme and for metabolic issues, as he's been drinking a TON of water lately. We're talking like 3 buckets in 12 hours. We also started him on Previcox for 10 days just to help with inflammation and another round of Adequan. Spending alllllll the monies. He's looking a bit better after his time off and he's probably a .5 on the lameness scale so she told me to ride him if I want to. Unfortunately, we are having a heat wave this week so my schedule of being able to ride in the early afternoons is not working well when the temps are all 90 degrees or up. 

I should get the test results back in a week so fingers crossed there's no lyme or metabolic issues and it's just his usual lameness!

Feeling better?

2010. Do I even have new photos of the hony?! (Answer: no.)

After texts, comments on FB and on here, and some in person conversations, I'm feeling a bit more positive than I was yesterday and earlier in the week. I think I just needed to get the whining out of my system! The vet will be coming out on Monday. We're planning on checking out the hony, getting some flexion tests, probably pulling blood for Lyme, and most likely starting another course of Adequan. That always seems to help. I'm sure she'll come out and we'll figure out what else we should do.

In other vet related news, I am CRUSHED to find out that my vet practice said my new barn is too far away to regularly work with Digby!!! (Cue panic.) The vet is located pretty far away in all honesty, I can't fault them there, and the vet I typically use was super polite when telling me. She is mostly worried about emergencies. They are based out of the county next to mine so it is quite a drive to do shots for one horse, although they service large barns within 15 minutes of mine. In a dire emergency, they might not be able to get there in time and I totally get it. I appreciate being told that they won't just take my money and then not be able to get there when I really need them. She did say she'd come out on Monday but that I need to plan to use someone else for vaccinations and emergencies in the future.

That being said, what in the ever loving heck do I do now? The barn I'm at does not require any one vet so there are two vets (besides mine) that are used. One vet is, how can I put this, an idiot. I will not use him for anything. I suppose I'd be ok with him giving shots but that's where the buck ends. So he's out of the question, especially given Digby's opinionated nature and lameness issues. The other vet practice is much more reputable. I was planning on giving them a call today but life happened and now here we are, after normal business hours. I will call tomorrow just to feel them out and let them know I might be using them in the future. Ideally, someone in the barn will be having them out (not for an emergency, I hope!) so I can meet them before Digby has something else wrong. I thought about calling them out for this lameness but I love my current/soon to be old vet and she was the one who took the images of Digby's feet originally so she knows years of history.

Thanks again everyone for the lovely comments. I really appreciate them! I'm a bit more optimistic now that the vet is coming out. I figure it's either going to be ok or it's not and there's peace in knowing that.

Woe is me.

Be warned, this post gets a little bit a lot whiney but it ends up ok in the end. Maybe.

Dig My Size, 2012

Do you ever have one of those days when nothing, and I do mean nothing, seems to go right?

The kind where no matter what, you're grumpy. The kind where stereotypical, sad country music songs all seem to fit. The kind that make you wonder if you need to drink several adult beverages or just sleep for 3 days. The kind where even (multiple) chocolate cupcakes and hugs don't help.

Yeah, we've all been there once or twice.

In all actuality, there are plenty of things that go right, or at least things that don't go wrong. The day could be worse and you know it. Nevertheless, there's a giant ball of "EVERYTHING SUCKS" that you can't seem to deflate, or a heavy weight on your shoulders, or a giant monster sucking out all the joy in life stuck to you, whichever metaphor you prefer. You punch, kick, scratch and claw your way into a better frame of mind. You fall down, you get back up. Wash, rinse, repeat.

"I am a wild steed!" (2010)

I'm a goal oriented person. I thrive on continuous process analysis and improvement. I struggle with people who say things like "well, we do it this way because we always have" and "no we can't do that because I said so." I feel like most (can I make that generalization?) riders, especially bloggers and ones who compete, have similar feelings. We are consistently analyzing, trying new things, trying old things, seeking feedback. While we can lack patience, we know it's necessary. We are willing to sit chilly and wait it out. "It" could be the distance to a jump, the days of stall rest, the time it takes to build up fitness, or anything in between.

Sitting chilly and waiting "it" out has its limits though. There are situations that will bring that "EVERYTHING SUCKS" ball/weight/monster around like kryptonite. You fight it and try to stay buoyant. You have to, for your own sake and the sake of those around you.

I can't really pretend that Digby is sound anymore. His lameness is my kryptonite. It's just happened too many times, for too long, for me to ever be ok with it. My first reaction has become "fuck this." I immediately get irrationally angry. I'm angry because I spend all the monies on board bills, feed bills, vet bills, farrier bills so I can't do other things I'd like to and I can't even ride. I'm angry because I had my hopes up that maybe we'd start lessoning in the fall with a local trainer. I'm angry because I can't enjoy my horse like I'd like to. I'm angry because I'm not asking him to jump or do Grand Prix dressage and he still won't stay sound. I'm angry because I've owned him for 5 years who has been lame for at least half of it. I'm angry that EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD (lolz) gets to ride their horse. I'm just angry in the "it-doesn't-matter-how-many-cupcakes-you-eat-you're-still-mad" way.

Digby's been on/off sore/borderline lame for a while now. There's always a progression to his lameness. He gets not quite right behind, sore in the back, and then lame up front. We tried a different set of shoes but those have not helped curb this progression. He was back sore earlier in the week. He didn't look bad but didn't look great on the lunge line on Monday. I rode on Tuesday and he was definitely more ouchy, enough for me to not work him, sigh heavily, admit that he wasn't reaaaally sound and brace myself for my impending mood drop. He was about a 1.5 out of 5 lame trotting in the field yesterday. Although he's been sound for several years, in similar workload, whatever we're currently doing is causing him to be lame. Again. The worst part of Digby's lamenesses is that there's never any heat. There's no swelling. There's no physical "thing" that I can look at and say "oh, that's worse than it was yesterday" or "yay it's gone down!" He's just either sound or he's on the lameness scale of 1-5.

2014

I may be melodramatic. This is certainly a first world problem to be this bummed about a horse's lameness. He's just a horse, right? I wrote a post the other week about how he's not my heart horse. If he is, I don't know it yet. Why do I care so much that it ruins my whole day, week, month? I suppose it's because I'm emotionally and financially invested. Relationships, even of the equine/human nature, are hard. You stay with something long enough, you end up having hopes and dreams and goals. Digby, in his own charming way, keeps crushing them. I need to remind myself that life is not over, you're fine, you'll figure it out, he'll get sound again, he always does.

If you'd like, cross your fingers, throw in a little prayer, give advice, make a wish for me. Digby needs to tell me what in the hell I'm supposed to do with him.

And I need to find a few cupcakes. They may not help my mood, or my waistline, but they sure are tasty.

A photo update (well, and some words, obviously)

Much has been happening in the world of Digby. I fell off last Monday as you may remember so I took it easy last week, both as far as working and riding goes. I generally pick up a few extra jobs during the week, since my "full time" job has made me part time until the middle of August, but I either said I couldn't do it (like walking a very cute, very bad lab) or tried to do less (like helping at Digby's barn). 

Digby's new shoes

Digby got some new kicks on Thursday. He was in a set of steel shoes with a wedge pad but as you can (maybe) tell from the photo, the wedge pad hasn't been doing great things for his heels. My farrier changed him into an aluminum (ahhhh! MONEY! *cries*) wedge bar shoe, which is supposed to help with that issue. We shall see and more on that later! 

Ghost and Digby

Digby has completely settled into his routine of going out with his friend Ghost, coming in, breakfast, hanging out in his stall all day, he eats dinner, I show up, we sometimes work, then he goes back outside. I wouldn't say Ghost is his BFF but they get along well.

I hadn't ridden Digby since I was nursing my back but wanted to try out his new shoes. Sadly, I had the busiest days on Friday and Saturday so I wasn't able to do anything except work and work some more. Sunday had a high of 93 (or 95, depending on where you look) degrees with a horrid heat index so I made the adult decision to not work my horse.

The joys of trying to get a conformation shot by myself

Monday had similar weather but I was dying to see what Digby thought of the new shoes. I put his rope halter on just so I could see what he was going to think. He was honestly a bit of a jerk. There was some head tossing, grumpy faces, even a leap or two. I couldn't quite decide if he was expressing his opinion on the shoes or if he was a bit miffed at working. I'm not too concerned as it was still pretty hot at 8 PM when I was "lunging." That's used reaaal loosely, as it was about 6 minutes on the line with no gear to make him actually use himself. Maybe he was just being a grump about having to "work."

Lots of tries later and this is the best one...

I think I overdid it a bit yesterday as my back had been feeling a lot better (aka perfect) but it's sore again. I may try to ride later or I might wait it out until tomorrow. Waaah!

ZBH Blog Hop: Everyday Fail

I LOVE this blog hop! I like the reasoning behind it. Nicole over at Zen and the Art of Baby Horse Management had such good points based off of Emma's post over at Fraidy Cat Eventing, which I also LOVED. I encourage you to read Emma's post if you haven't yet. Basically, the internet sucks sometimes and people can be way too judgey-judgey. No one is perfect, even professionals, and it is very disheartening to have people assume and judge you when they don't know the whole story. This is true in real life, like in a business setting, not just in the equine world. So I'm going to join in posting some of my terrible, not perfect photos of Digby. While I don't have a ton of media of Digby and I, and even less of him truly misbehaving, here's some good silly ones:

What Digby thinks of horse shows.

I call this "how much like a giraffe can Digby look?"

Derp derp.

Oh, so that's how you ask for a lead change?

I sits.

Cannot stand still, all photos are blurry.

How is this... anything remotely like good riding? 

"DO NOT PUT THAT HAT ON ME! NO! DON'T DO IT!"

Teach Me Thursday: Sweat marks

I've been paying attention to Digby's sweat lately. He's not the best drinker in the world. I give him electrolytes year round to encourage him to drink more. Horses are actually supposed to get 1-2 oz of salt a day, when they're not in work. Typically grains do not provide even close to this amount and often horses can't lick enough on salt licks to get this daily. In the winter, if I don't give him an electrolyte, he doesn't drink a lot and then is prone to colic. In the summer, he doesn't sweat well. Every summer I just keep an eye to make sure he's sweating well. This summer, however, I've been keeping a closer eye. I've been trying to look and make sure the sweat marks, both under his saddle and otherwise, are symmetrical. I'm not 100% sure what I should be looking for. For example, he seems to sweat more in the middle of his neck and at the base near his withers. Does this mean this muscle is working harder? I suspect yes.

"Give me cookies NOWWW" face!

Let's hear it! What do sweat marks mean to you? Do you pay attention to them? Do you look at the marks on your horses body or just where the saddle goes? Any tips?

That time in which I fall off my horse

My blog titles leave no suspense, do they?

Not my photo

So back at the end of June, I responded to this blog post on Viva Carlos about falling off. I remember thinking I was tempting the "horse falling off gods" and that I needed to knock on wood. I did, if I recall correctly. This weekend I judged a local horse show. A small girl fell off her adorably bad pony when he went from trotting along full steam to itching his leg while they were schooling. She was fine but shaken up. I got her trainer, who tried to convince her to get back on but the child wouldn't. The trainer and I joked a bit and I said I was due for a fall because I hadn't fallen off in years.

Also not mine.

Let's recap: Posted at the end of June that I hadn't fallen off in a while and that I was due. Said on Sunday that I hadn't fallen off in a while and was due. Wrote a blog post on Monday (although I posted in Tuesday morning) about how steady eddy my horse was and that he's been SO GREAT lately.

Yeah.

So anyway, blissfully unaware that I had jinxed myself multiple times in a two week span, I strolled up to the barn on Monday. I helped turn out the horses then got Digby ready. He was a bit miffed that I had turned out the horses before I rode, rather than after, but I convinced him that he was probably going to live by feeding him a few treats. That seemed to help his feeling of impending doom and death and he behaved while I tacked up.

We went into the outdoor. You know, the one I've ridden him in at least 10 times since we moved to the new barn at the end of June. He was a bit tense and decidedly a bit more "looky" than usual. Not spooking, not being bad by any means but just a bit more "what in the hell is that?!" and needing to peer at things. That, my dear Digby, is a pole that has been laying in that same spot for two weeks now. Carry on with your life. Kthx.

Like I've talked about before, he's got some vision problems so I wasn't sure if it was just the weather (overcast, not windy) or if it was darker than normal (I usually get on around 6:15-7 which is when I was riding) or if he was just being a little bit silly, but either way, I proceeded aggressively. I really focused on getting him to pay attention to me, with bending and transitions. We've been upping our trotting amounts so we got some good exercise in. He was doing well, less focused on things to look at and more focused on me.

I personally have been trying to work out more and my legs were a bit tired. I remember thinking "my legs are a bit sore, I'm really glad Digby isn't actually spooking or being bad because I'm not sure if I could stay on."

Definitely not mine, but I love it!

No more than 30 seconds later, Digby decided that something (AKA A NOTHING MONSTER) outside the ring was absolutely terrifying. Cue hard spook to the left, buck, leap straight up in the air and another spook. End scene with me on the ground on my back.

Curse you, horse falling off gods!

I've had some doozies over the years but this one had me getting up pretty darn slowly. Luckily, Digby stood next to me still as a statue. I remember thinking, "no seriously, Becky, you need to sit up NOW because there isn't anyone else by the ring, they're all up at the barn, and if he spooks, he's going to step on you and probably get caught in the reins too. Sit up!" Ugh. I finally managed to sit up, since I had the wind knocked out of me. Once I took a quick assessment that I was 1) alive, 2) nothing was broken and 3) the air was eventually coming back to my lungs, I stood up and hobbled back to the mounting block. I was hesitant to get back on because I was already quite sore in my back and shoulders and I was positive I couldn't sit through any more bad behavior. I didn't want Digby to think that me falling off meant he got out of work though. I got back on and did some more walking and a bit of trotting. He tried to scoot away once in a pretend bolt right after I got on and I basically sat him on his ass. In no way, shape or form, did I want that to occur. Other than that, he was perfect. 

I am fine, albeit sore, and have been totally on "team ibuprofen" Tuesday and today, for the record. 

"Jobs."

I'm behind on my blog reading so I was doing some catching up. I read the heart horse post over at Stories from the Saddle and this post over at No Longer Fiction and it got me thinking. Jenn at SFTS said that she'd change her riding discipline if her horse didn't like doing the jumpers, which has forever been her goal. I know Allison from Pony'tude in real life, so I know she went from H/J land to eventing because Dino likes it way more. Andrea over at The Uncatchable Number 257 used to event primarily but has done everything from driving to endurance and everything in between with her mare, O. There are plenty more bloggers, and people in real life, who have done similar things. They buy a horse, the horse prefers one discipline over the other, they make changes. On the opposite side, there are people who buy a horse, the horse prefers another discipline, they find the horse a (hopefully!) good home in new discipline and purchase another horse who fits their goals.

I think this was our first show? In 2010. Obviously, we wanted a good experience over mini fences.

The No Longer Fiction post really hit home for me. I've been in that situation. Digby is darn athletic. He's 15hh and has schooled 4'3". It's easy for him, even if he is pint sized. I was so upset when I couldn't keep him sound enough to jump. I thought about selling him. I've always enjoyed flat work but did I really want to just do dressage for the rest of my life? I always thought he loved to jump. He didn't stop at fences. He seemed to get more peppy (occasionally even running away with me...) when we jumped. Flatting Digby is a whole different beast than Jumping Digby. I was so bummed that he wouldn't be able to enjoy jumping anymore and felt like we weren't living up to our potential.

Digby jumping 3'6" with a barn girl (aka not me). Also 2010.

Here's the golden question, did we love it? I thought we both did but now that we no longer jump, it's become so clear to me how much more relaxed we are. He's such a steady eddy most days that I don't worry nearly as much about non-horsey people being around him. He's pretty darn easy to handle both on the ground and in the saddle. When I ride other horses, I realize just HOW easy my horse is. You can get on any day of the week, even if he hasn't been ridden in a few days, and walk, trot, canter basically on the buckle. He does gets more challenging when you actually ask him to work or when we go on trail rides.

Dino when I thew him on the lunge line to see "what I had" after I realized he was my project. Yeah, he's kicking at me.

I'm going to call out Alli and Dino for a second here because I know them both in real life. I knew Dino (and Alli!) from college. He was actually my special training project, a year (or two?) after she had him. We did not get along. That was a very frustrating time for me. Dino was miserable, I was miserable. There was much crying and frustration. See above photo for more proof. We were trying to do things that Dino hated because that was my assigned "goal" for the project. I believe I was supposed to get from around a 2'6" course and do a Training Level dressage test. I assumed there was something going on that needed a lot of testing because ponies are not THAT bad just "because." We didn't ever get anything checked out, although I did plead and try my best. I went to her first BN event to provide support (I'm not sure I succeeded, haha!) and to see "XC Beast Dino."

Tolerating each other. Why my shirt is not tucked in, I have no idea.

Needless to say, I was floored. The pony I knew had me spending day after day in the middle of the ring with him bucking. Seriously. The first week or two I was riding him, he just bucked. I couldn't get him to do anything. He'd sit in the middle of the ring and kick out and buck. Awesome. Even by the end of the semester, it was hit or miss. We had good(ish) days and bad days. He never really used himself well. We were frenemies who begrudgingly tolerated each other because we had to. This "new" Dino was EATING UP the jumps! He was happy, ears forward, no remote sign of any badness that I was so familiar with. I've read her blog for years but it was so impressive and different to see in person. It was awesome and I definitely felt all the feels, even if she was worried and didn't think it was their best showing. I think compared to how the pony used to be, she should of gotten a 20 in that dressage test and gotten a blue ribbon for more improved for the SJ and XC. The pony was happy, confident and clearly loves his job. Ok, I'm done flattering/embarrassing Alli now.

Do I think dressage is Digby's favorite thing in the world? I'm not sure. He certainly doesn't have as strong a reaction to jumping versus dressage as Dino does to playing in the sandbox versus cross country. He seems to be happier in his skin though. He is generally calmer and seems more "ok" with his easy life. I can only hope one day I figure out what Digby TRULY loves to do so I can impress people with how far he's come.

How do you figure out what job your horse wants? Is it an extreme reaction, like Dino, or more subtle, like Digby?

SFTS Blog Hop: Heart Horse

Jenn over at Stories from the Saddle has started a pretty cool blog hop here that I knew I had to write about. I've had the pleasure of sitting on a lot of cool horses so far in my life. I sat on a horse who went to Rolex (Remind me to talk about this because it was SO COOL) and played around with dressage for 45 minutes. I've ridden barely broke horses who you could tell were so wildly athletic and talented. On the other hand, I've ridden horses who I detested and horses who detested me. So, do I have a heart horse? I'm not sure. Honestly. I have trouble committing to any one favorite of anything. I have two favorite colors. I basically run and hide when people ask me who's my favorite band. I have several favorite movies. I have about 15 favorite foods. Yeah. I just can't pick a favorite of much of anything. So to me, heart horse is a hard concept because I tend to love horses individually and for completely different reasons but they mean no less or more than another. I am partial to Digby as he's the first horse I've ever actually owned but there are still other horses that I love. I will keep this list to 3 horses (errr, 1 pony, 1 hony and 1 horse) for the sake of time.

Wannabe Platinum, aka "Oscar."
I braided him myself for shows and it looks like he rubbed them pretty good here. 

I leased Oscar for several years while I was a junior. My barn got him cheaply and he legitimately was afraid of everything. Fly spray, hoses, velcro noises, geese, poles, water bottles, you name it he was probably scared of it. He had two gaits - jig and gallop. Nonetheless, my trainer swore up and down that he'd be a great pony one day. She was right. After much blood (all mine), sweat (both of ours) and tears (hopefully all mine!), he ended up being an awesome pony. He is allergic to rails and very sweet. He ground ties anywhere. He basically self loads and you can take him anywhere. He's got a stop in him but he generally tries hard. I love this pony. I was going to buy him after I graduated college but it happened that when my barn was selling him, I was in my junior year of college and studying abroad for a semester and they couldn't reach me. (I mean, they definitely could of... But my trainer had left the barn and they didn't try very hard. Sigh.) I try to keep in touch with his current owner, just to make sure he's in good hands. I have offered to take him if she ever can't afford him. I just don't want him to end up in a bad home as he deserves a great retirement home. He's earned it.

Charlie, my favorite crazy chestnut TB.

I met Charlie my freshman year at college. Isn't that usually where people meet their husbands? Oh well, I met a horse. I only rode him a few times but I LOVED him. Charles had a knack for being bad. I've watched him spook, buck, rear and take off on several other riders. For some reason, he liked me. For some reason, I liked him. He went really well for him and one of the instructors at the school, who had never seen me ride before and certainly not Charlie, immediately yelled, "you need to buy this horse!" He's the horse who broke my knee, in case you read that post, and hands down my favorite horse to flat to date. It wasn't that he was the most broke (I think the Rolex horse takes that cake) but we just got along so well. I called up his owner and offered to lease him, as I couldn't afford to buy him while I was in college and she said she would think about it. I never got a call back and he didn't return to school the next year. I think about him every once in a while and hope he's ok.

The infamous Dig My Size.

Digby and I have had a very rough partnership. I met him the summer after my freshman year in college (so I guess I met two horses at college and no husbands?? Haha!) and was instantly smitten. He was wild, bad like a pony and super talented. Unfortunately, he had been donated to the college and very much hated his life there. I've written about his history a lot before, so I'll sum it up real quick. He hated college and was very bad. I adopted him to be my 3'6" horse. I wasn't sure I made the right choice and thought about selling him. He went lame almost right after that. He was on and off lame (and naughty...) for years. He's now sound and for the most part, well behaved. There were many, many days in the past that I discussed selling him. There are many, many days I love him. There are lots of ups and downs. Lots of tears, lots of smiles. I still am not sure he's in the best home for him but I do my best.